I recently shared an essay about my early social outings as a new widow. I’ve recently been thinking about perhaps dating. Which is a scary thing to consider. I mean, things have changed a lot since I was dating. I’ve changed a lot – emotionally, physically, umm in just about every way. Yet, there remains some of the younger me there. One of the things that attracted Kelly to me was that I was such a flirt (and I thought that he was rather a stuffed shirt) and thus we proved that opposites do attract.
The thing is though. I have no idea about how to go about dating in today’s world. I mean, do you just say, hey world, I’m ready to date now. My kids are raised, I own my home, I have a job. I’m ready to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Oh, yeah, I also started a diet, because I realize I’m not the same size I was when I was nineteen, and I know my chances of someone asking me out would probably increase significantly, if I can decrease significantly.
But today, I’m feeling like I should just give up on the whole idea, and I can tell God that if he wants someone in my life, then he’ll have to plop him on my doorstep. What brought me to this frame of mind you ask? Well tonight I received a chat message from someone wanting to join a widow/widower site that I’m an admin for – we ask for verification of being widowed before adding people to the group to protect members from would be predators. The message I received just makes me want to just give up on the idea of dating. To whit:
ME: I see your request to join _________ Widows & Widowers Facebook page, a support group made up of widowed members. . . . I’m sorry for the loss that brings you to this group.
We have many requests to join the group and a large percentage are from those who are not widowed. In order to protect the integrity and purpose of the group in addition to keeping it safe, we have a vetting process and ask for verification that your spouse has passed away. If you can send a link to an obituary or as a member of the group who knows you to vouch for you, that will do. Thanks for understanding our need to verify.
I hope you are doing well
Are you busy?
ME: It’s after midnight here. I was just going to bed.
HIM: Are you still widowed till now?
HIM: I’m too
Past 20 years ago
Well I will like to tell you that am a sensitive to woman, am honest, kind, caring, and truthful.. I seek for a true and serious relationship that will last forever.. You are so good in your words…I don’t play games
ME: Well good for you. You asked to join a support group. It is not a dating site, and we do require verification of being widowed. So if you can share a link to your spouse’s obituary, we will consider adding you to our group. Unfortunately there are those who prey on and try to scam widows, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want that to happen. So send me a link. Thanks.
HIM: Not that try to understand me
My wiFe was lost
That’s why I joined the widowed group maybe I can find my choice
Are you getting me?
Seems you are a widow like me
That means we are compatible
ME: And you are playing a game. Sorry dude. Get a life and quit preying on the bereaved.
And then I blocked him, denied his request to join the group, and warned others not to accept friend requests from him. The same kind of thing happened years ago when I went to an online dating site, same type of messages. Ten years later, same scam. I’ve gotten very good at seeing them quickly. Once I went along with it. Messaging back and forth, simply to see how long it would take before I was asked for money. Three days. Once upon a time I used to correct their grammar and sent back their message. None of them wanted to talk to me again after that. Guess I lost out on that Saudi Prince.
So my question remains. If I am interested in dating, how do I go about it? Without attracting the would be scammers? Enquiring minds want to know. But, you know, he’s a widower. I’m a widow, therefore we are compatible. Yeah, right. But to leave this on a positive note. I have many widowed friends who have found love again — wonderful men and women who have found each other, and I am truly happy for them. Maybe matchmaking should be a thing again – but then we remember this song.
However, I will continue to hope. Because, I am a hopeless romantic and I believe in love — and good grammar.